��ѿ��ý

Love

Helen of Troy was not won in a facebook poke war. The fight for true love was long and bloody.

Now I’m not saying boys today should besiege there love rivals house before leaving a small wooden horse upon their doorstep, jumping out in the middle of the night and slaughtering them in bed.

However, a touch of that old philosophy, to do anything under the sun; move mountains, fight wars or brave terrible ordeals seems a bit lost on today’s teens.

My advice; prove your worth to your love interest. Be interesting, be faithful, be adoring but most importantly, be yourself. Girls like a tough guy but don’t think they’ll be attracted if you bathe in the blood of your enemies.

Chivalry

Gone are the days of chivalric knights of old, galloping across the land to save swooning maidens or the classic Victorian gentleman helping a lady over the muddy puddle.

“Manners maketh the man” as the saying goes. Manners are free also. Oh yeah, and the best things in life are free.

So basically show respect and show a bit of chivalry every now and again (this goes for girls as well). It doesn’t hurt and shows a level of superior intellect.

I am blotching out the past of terrible sexism and unfairness woman were subjected to in long stretches of history by just choosing chivalry as a topic, but hopefully you get my point.

Gluttony

I recently went to my girlfriend’s house for the first time to meet the parents. Her mum had made a gorgeous Sunday dinner; crispy Roast duck, perfect crunchy roast potatoes, delicious gravy and homemade plum sauce. I mean this meal was the stuff of kings.

I hadn’t eaten all morning so when my girlfriend and I went out for a picnic, I decided to eat loads, even though I knew I had this meal in the evening. Big mistake.

Thus I had to endure the meal, which was delicious by all accounts, but the very thought of makes me sick. I had to excuse myself many times to refill my water, when really I was trying not to be sick. That is true gluttony. I consider myself to be a fairly mean eater, but really that was plain stupidly. Thankfully my girlfriends mum told me I didn’t have to eat it all if I couldn’t.

The point of this section is don’t be greedy. A relationship relies on honesty and restraint. And to tie in my historical links; if in doubt do as the Romans do. The wealthy would have special slaves stick fingers down their throats between courses to project vomit and empty the stomach. A simple solution to my problem but probably wouldn’t have impressed my possible in-laws to see regurgitated chunks of duck splatter the table cloth.

Being the provider

Man up. Stop playing the latest play station game and go wrestle a mammoth. In Neanderthal times, teams of prehistoric men would go hunting through the frozen wastes wearing naught but rags and stare danger, literally in the jaws.

They would become extreme athletes, rippling with bulging muscles, extraordinarily fast and breathtakingly fearlessness. It was this way to ensure survival.

So maybe boys of today should try this ancient technique of being the full-on provider for their family and getting some exercise as well. (Please to not now go out and spear the neighbour’s cat. Not cool.)

Romance

Shakespearean love sonnets are some of the most romantic and beautiful pieces of literature of all time. So why should the days of Romeo and Juliet be left in the past? Try and be a bit romantic, be a bit spontaneous and old fashioned (There’s no romantic without a “man”)

So rather than this:

“OI! SHORTY. I give you a wad of cash and ting, and we make out yeah? Brapse”

Try this:

“I swear by the shimmering stars and gleaming moon that I will love you always, truly, deeply and honestly.”

P.S. The girl may think you’re a prat. Bear with this system.

Intelligence

People are always saying that exams aren’t as hard as they used to be. Now there may well be a fair degree of truth in this. Victorian school boys are never portrayed as wearing the same care-free expressions splashed upon their faces as the teens of today are.

Perhaps a vigorous Victorian education would give modern burnt out brain cells a good, well needed workout?

Intelligence isn’t just knowing your maths and science. It’s about being apt it social situations, being clever and witty, charming and smart. So give education a go, Victorian style, learn the hard way and reap the rewards.