ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½

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Prepare to be excited, comedy fans: there's a whole lot of new comedy coming up on ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Two this autumn. You may have seen the teaser trailer on the telly - now here's a chance to see what's coming up in a bit more detail.

New shows

The Trip


Rob Brydon and Steve Coogan are reunited on screen - and over dinner. Steve has been commissioned to review six restaurants in the North of England... and somehow he's been stuck with Rob for company. The show, like Curb Your Enthusiasm, is fictional, but based on their real personas.

Grandma's House


Like The Trip, Simon Amstell's sitcom-writing début is based loosely on his own life. It's been co-written with Dan Swimer, who previously worked with Simon on Buzzcocks and Popworld, so you can expect this to have plenty of, y'know, zing.

Roger and Val Have Just Got In


Alfred Molina and Dawn French star as married couple Roger and Val in a unique sitcom set during the half-hour period after they've just returned from work. From this simple set-up, Roger and Val draw you in to the idiosyncrasies of their world. And no, don't expect any robot tentacles.

Roger and Val Have Just Got In starts Friday 6th August

The Stephen K Amos Show


Readers of this blog will already know this is coming. In his very own show, Stephen will mix stand-up, sketches and special guests, introducing us to a host of hilarious characters.

But wait! There's more...

Look out for Episodes, a sitcom that follows the creators of a fictional British comedy as they move to LA in order to remake it (keep up at the back). The series features Matt LeBlanc as a larger-than-life version of himself and is written by David Crane (Friends) and Jeffrey Klarik (Mad About You).

Now, read on for comedy shows that are coming back.

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As the producer of That Mitchell and Webb Look I've had a lot of make-believe questions about the special effects we use. Here are the ones I've decided I hear most often.

Are David's and Robert's faces really assembled each week by laughing goblins like in the title sequence?

No. David and Rob were conceived, born and then grew up in much the same way as a person, and gradually over time their faces just turned out that way. For the title sequence we simply filmed some laughing goblins taking apart David and Robert's faces and then played it backwards.

Are those real jet-packs in the jet-pack sketch?

Yes and no. Under the terms of Lord Reith's will it has always been forbidden to depict anything on television or radio that hasn't actually taken place, and these days, following the Ross Brand Unpleasantness, this has quite rightly been extended to cover some things that have actually taken place too. For that reason we went to a lot of trouble developing and building a working jet pack and then caused various accidents with it. That meant that the sketch featuring jet-pack-related accidents could reasonably be called a "reconstruction" rather than a "lie", and thus it slips under the Ofcom wire.Ìý For the sketch itself we had to use fake jet-packs for safety reasons so the sketch was actually filmed under-water to achieve the flying effects and the bubbles were painted out with tippex.

For the final sketch was it difficult flying a spaceship onto the heart of the sun?

We were quite lucky with this because Mark Thompson our Director General actually does have a space-ship which he uses to attend meetings in the West End which actually helps the licence payer because that way he avoids the congestion charge so it's fine.Ìý Anyway he let us borrow the space ship and if you watch the shot carefully you'll see that the sketch ends just before actual solar impact, so the DG got it back without a scratch...

Why didn't you use the Robot James Bachman for the sketches featuring James Bachman?

To be honest, sensationalist headlines like "Robot James Bachman Inferno" made it pretty well impossible for us to use the Robot James Bachman, which is a shame and I think an over-reaction to what was really only a medium-sized fire in a very badly-built gymnasium. I think one day jolly robot character actors will grace the screens but for now I'm prepared to accept that we were too far ahead of the curve on this one.

Is it true that you've been asked to make your blog more interactive so people can feel they have in some way engaged with it even though it is essentially some jokes people are meant to read?

Yes. That has happened. Why not give me your suggestions on how I can make this blog more interactive?

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Kevin Cecil, co-creator of The Great Outdoors, writes...

"So there are these characters and they are all in a walking club."

The award-winning TV producer looked at us blankly.

"People don't really do that do they?"

"Well yes they do. The show would follow the different members and each episode is set on a
different walk and, oh yeah, it's all set outside."

"It sounds very difficult to make."

He had his legs over one arm of his chair. He didn't look like he wanted to make something very difficult.

"Well it probably would be, yes."

We abandoned the pitch and fell back into the much safer territory of discussing ideas for TV shows set behind the scenes at other TV shows.

Afterwards my writing partner Andy Riley and I were disappointed. We'd both done a lot of walking and felt there was something funny in the zealousness of the hobbyists we'd met. We wanted to do something set outside London which was pro walking while using the opportunity to throw a bunch of strong personalities together in a situation that was neither domestic nor workplace. And we had two jokes that we could use.

But we knew all the weird looks we'd been getting when we'd mentioned it were justified. We wanted to do a show with no regular sets and would need a cast who could climb up and down hills all day whilst being funny and developing their characters. Yet whenever we tried to forget it we couldn't. It just seemed different.

We wanted to know if it could work.Ìý Why not test it? We would write the first script on spec and see. We had to have faith in our own idea. Also nobody was offering us paid work just then.

A month later and we had forty pages in courier 12 point to show around. It wasn't perfect but the basics seemed to be in there. We now had at least seven jokes. Producer Alex Walsh-Taylor at the ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ not only said nice things about it but persuaded the corporation to give us the money to do further work on it. He said it would be tricky to make but not impossible. We worked with Alex and exec producer Paul Schlesinger until our joke count hit double figures. We wrote and walked, walked and wrote.

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Danny Peak, one of Mongrels' writers, says...

This week's is the sixth episode of Mongrels, and keen-eyed viewers will have noticed by now that it has puppets in it.

I have some previous experience of writing dialogue for lifeless objects, having scripted for Nev the Bear and [NAME OF ACTOR DELETED ON LEGAL ADVICE]. But eight half-hours of adult puppet comedy was a new challenge for all of the writing team, and we had some fairly basic questions, like: can they move their eyes from side to side? Can they swallow things? Do they have feet? And are we allowed to speak to them at the wrap party?

The puppeteers told us: ask the puppets to do whatever you want. And if it's impossible to achieve we'll let you know.

So we wrote scenes where puppets fight with their heads cut off, fire themselves into the sky strapped to rockets, get impaled on spikes, fall off the roof, explode, go cross-eyed, climb trees, have sex, catch fire, swim, disco dance, morris dance, riverdance, play Boggle, play boules, shoot pool, get fat, ride motorbikes and physically assault Scott Mills. All of which the production team took on without complaint. But when I wrote a scene where a puppet has to climb out of bed, the director looked at me like I was insane. "Are you insane?" he said. (They did it though, in episode eight)

Another bit of direction the puppeteers gave us was not to shy away from emotional moments. These puppets can convey all sorts of complex psychological nuance with a single look, they told us.

We kind of ignored them. I mean, it's puppets, yeah? They've got ping pong balls for eyes and sticks attached to their paws; they ain't going to be doing high drama.

But we were entirely wrong about that. There are moments where Nelson expresses a world of heartbreak just by flexing his ears back, or Vince delivers a threat by slowly closing one eyelid, and for me these are the best bits of the series. There's a scene this week where Nelson realises his new bride has been involved in a freak accident and... hang on, sorry... I- I think I've got something in my eye...

Catch Mongrels tonight at 10.30pm on ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Three. Have you tried the Mills and Mongrels Challenge yet?

Shadowy figures: Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith on the set of Psychoville

Roll up Psychoville fans - nearly time to come out and play again. Yes you know who you are; in the words of the late (?) - "Don't be ashamed".

We have been toiling the last eight weeks, filming our Halloween Special and second series for your consideration. It has been an absolute joy, and I believe we've captured something rather special.

The last series ended with a cliffhanger (of sorts), that left some people hating us for daring to end our first series with some unanswered questions. "Short changed" and "ripped off" were some of the comments I seem to recall.

It was never our intention to leave people bemused and wanting the time they'd invested in the series back again. It has even been reported that we left the series ambiguous so as to "force" the powers that be into commissioning a second series!? Happily they did, but I can assure you, it wasn't recommissioned just because they had to find out what happens next! If only that was all you had to do.

Anyway, the series is in the can now, and thus begins the editing process. I shall be excited to attend and watch it slowly put back together again. Filming is the gathering of the pieces; editing the painstaking process of putting the captured fragments back together again. Hopefully without spoiling my timing.

We have also worked hard on another detailed web experience to run alongside the programme and I hope that proves just as enjoyable as the first one.

It's hard to talk about the series and what's in store without ruining our surprises (already ruined by suggesting there are surprises. Damn.) and so I won't say anything to jeopardise any of those moments or all that careful work. Suffice to say, there are some great people joining us for the ride, and I don't think in writing a second series we have at all tarnished our first instalment. In fact, it only gets better.
Ìý
But you will be the judges of that, come this October when you are treated to our hour long Halloween Special. The series is to follow early next year. I think. Sit tight. You are in for some real treats. (And one or two tricks for that matter).

Reece Shearsmith is co-creator of Psychoville.

So, a bunch of self-satisfied telescope-huggers are claiming to have discovered the biggest star ever - a great big ball of fire 300 times the size of our sun. I actually discovered that particular sun a couple of weeks ago whilst gawping at the night sky through my camping binoculars, but I'm just too modest to make a great hoo-har about it. Obviously I am writing to the British Astronomical Association to tell them that it was my discovery and that it shall be called "Henry's Golden Ball", but I don't want them to make too big a fuss of me.

I love my camping binoculars and I use them all the time. Catherine calls themÌý my "'noculars" and I've abbreviated that name still further and call them my "knockers". I've certainly been putting them to good use here at Sandy Hole. In addition to discovering new corners of the universe I have also been feasting my peepers on the most illuminating behavioural traits of my fellow campers.

I now know, for example, that the elderly man in the red camper van across the way wears a toupée and is actually as bald as a baby's bum underneath that fluff rug. Silly old fool thinks he looks good with that pathetic chunk of carpet balanced on his head, but I've seen his bonce fully nude and I think I should perhaps tell him that being honest about his hairless slap is probably the best policy going forward.

I have also observed how the family in the nearby dome tent seem totally happy to share their games of twister with the vast menagerie of cats and dogs they've brought with them, seeing nothing peculiar in such practices even though their frail little moggy is clearly less than enamoured at having an Afghan Hound sit on its head for minutes at a time. I would call the RSPCA but they're still annoyed at me for punching that squirrel back in the spring.

I've even noticed that the short, dumpy woman doing aerobics every morning is taking a big risk in not wearing a sports bra - honestly, I think she's in danger of knocking herself out. As far as I can make out, there is nothing but bouncy carnage going on in that there t-shirt and it's causing me such worry that my coco-pops have been left to go soggy three days in a row now.

All in all, I do love my knockers.

Henry VIII was (sorry, is) king of England. The second series of his online show, Henry 8.0, has been showing on the ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Comedy website - a new episode will be published next week. In the meantime, catch up on Henry's previous blog rants. You can also or .

Barry Cryer writes...

Bob was one of a kind and he was very much aware of this. He once said to me, "they don't like me, you know". I said "who don't like you, Bob?" and he said "the gang, the club - Eric and Ernie, Tommy Cooper - they don't like me". Jimmy Tarbuck averred that is was because they were all working class and Bob was posh.

And he was - immaculately suited, crisp, albeit slightly mid-Atlantic diction, and a barrage of witty one liners. He once said to me that there was a whole audience out there who "don't even know I'm a comedian, I'm the game show host". Which he was, of course. Host of more game-shows than all the other hosts put together.

He had a long career as a script writer for others as well as being a performer himself.

His range was wide - he appeared in musicals and later in life he appeared as a straight actor in television. His self-awareness that I referred to, extended to his appreciation of impressions of him. His impression of himself was hilarious and I commend it to Rory Bremner.

He was sometimes accused of plagiarism, due to the wealth of material he churned out, and he once told me that he and his erstwhile writing partner, Dennis Goodwin, suffered from 'short wave ear', due to pressing radio sets close to their heads to listen to shows on the American Forces Network and making notes. Some may call that homage - some may have a different definition.

What is indisputable is the keen wit and speed of thought. He showed this in both conversation and his consummate skill as a speaker. Before doing an after dinner, he would chat to someone for half an hour, gleaning names and topics at the event and then, on his feet, address people by name and litter the speech with the topics he had been told about.

How to sum him up? Completely self aware of his strengths and weaknesses, a consummate professional, who never burdened others with his personal problems, and above all - a one off. The timing, the mannerisms, the encyclopaedic command of a subject - you could never say someone was sort of Bob Monkhouse. There was only one!

Barry Cryer presents All Round Bob Monkhouse as part of ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Radio 2's Comedy Season at 10pm on Tuesday, 27th July. He was also a special guest on yesterday's Weekend Wogan, which you can watch online.

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That Mitchell and Webb Look Episode Two features some dogs playing late night poker, and as I'm the producer, I suppose I shouldn't have been surprised by the huge number of imaginary emails I've had about this part of the show, so I thought I'd use this blog to respond.

Was it difficult to get the dogs to play poker?
Dogs are naturally talented poker players. This is because no matter how carefully you look at their faces you can't work out what cards the dogs are holding.

Why isn't dog poker on telly more often?
The real problem with dog poker is that while the dogs are very much interested in cards they have very little interest in money because they find it very hard to get served in shops. Build the commercial infrastructure for dogs to go shopping and I predict a professional dog poker league will emerge, maybe walk round slowly in a circle, then go back in again and sit on a cushion.

Do any of the dogs enjoy Poker Face by Lady Gaga?
The big dog quite liked it, but most of them found it too superficial and the provocative dancing left them feeling exploited and then saddened.

Was one of the dogs was actually a man dressed up as a dog?
That's right. It's quite hard to spot but we actually had an actor playing the little white dog who was sat next to the large dog with the human face drinking the cider.

This was all very well but what about cat bridge?
That won't work. They can't hold the cards.

Hopefully that addresses most of the issues surrounding the sketch, but if you have any other questions or suggestions for future animal-based late night TV formats, do get in touch.

Gareth Edwards is the Producer of That Mitchell and Webb Look, which you can see on Tuesdays at 9pm on ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Two.

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Tonight's episode of Mongrels will feature special guest - you got it - Scott Mills. Here he is in action:


In celebration of the Mills and Mongrels crossover, we've been running a greenscreen challenge where we invite you to make your own short Mills and Mongrels videos using the special footage we're giving away.

Here are a few of our favourite submissions so far...

Scott Mills - The Movie


By Henrik Askestad. This is obviously quite a lot longer than a minute, but a good effort! Especially the drama bit.

Mongrels on a Plane

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There are a lot of great things about being an actor. The bouquets of flowers, the floppy velvet hats, the golden taps flowing with the finest champagne the licence fee can buy - though if Jeremy Hunt is reading this, I should point out I'm joking; at most it's the second finest champagne. One of the bad things, though, is all the standing around while other actors speak. Not being the absolute centre of attention? It's kryptonite to any actor worth his salt. And, as my agent assures me, only really good actors are paid in salt.

Marion, the cat of indeterminate nationality that I voice on Mongrels, spends a lot of time sitting in a bin while Nelson and Destiny (the feral animal's Tim and Dawn) get on with some quality acting. Now, if I'd actually had to be there, I'd have chewed my leg off with boredom. Standing around? In a bin? Not saying anything? I might as well have been an extra - and not a Ricky Gervais-style extra who seems to be able to talk to Kate Winslet without getting tazered. I'm a bloody actor and I can't get within 500 feet of her. Legally.

But here's the beautiful thing about puppets. They do all the sitting around in the bin for you. While Rufus Jones and Lucy Montgomery (the feral animal's Tim and Dawn) were recording whatever it is they say (I only listen to my bits) I was sitting on a sofa outside the recording studio reading Cloud Atlas and shouting at a runner that my frappucino was insufficiently frapped. I didn't have to sit in a bin once. I didn't even have to visit the Isle of Dogs - and any job where I don't have to visit the Isle of Dogs is as good as a Bafta.

So let's hear it for the puppets. Without them I'd have had to sit in a bin.

Listen to the voice of Dan Tetsell as Marion in Tuesday night's Mongrels at 11pm on ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Three. Dan is also script editor for Newsjack, the Radio 7 sketch show.

Good morning, this week we start with a David Beckham picture gag from Have I Got News For You.

Read on to see it!

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Earlier today, Head of Comedy Mark Freeland attended a celebratory lunch at Broadcasting House held in honour of Last of the Summer Wine.

He wrote the following yesterday for an internal blog, but we thought we'd share with you his tribute to the much-loved show.

Mark Freeland writes...

If only I could write this blog on Friday afternoon, but deadlines are deadlines. That's because I am going to lunch in the Council Chamber at Broadcasting House, to mark the end of the legendary and incomparable Last Of The Summer Wine. Many of the cast will be there - Peter Sallis, June Whitfield, Burt Kwouk, Frank Thornton - and of course, writer Roy Clarke. I'd better be a bit careful, a glass of sherry too many and I won't be able to resist creeping up on Burt Kwouk, doing a bit slapstick karate and then disappearing through the floor to Mark T's office below, which somehow would then catch fire. All too risky.

I know Friday will be one of those ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ occasions that I will never forget and it will be an honour being there. Last year, I went to composer, Ronnie Hazlehurst's memorial concert in the Radio Theatre. It was one of the most special events I have attended, and when his band played the theme from Last Of The Summer Wine, it was like a last post for a lost age. Not a dry eye in the house. I suspect tomorrow will feel very sad, too, but at the same time uplifting. I see Alan Yentob is on the guest list. I am sitting here wracking my brain to remember which episode he was in. I bet he has been.

The pilot was shot in June 1972. The show started in November 1973 (some things never change). The ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ didn't like the title (some things never change) and wanted to alter it to The Library Mob. They didn't like the theme music either (some things, etc. etc.).

Lots of things have changed and come and gone since then, but not LOTSW (as I will now abbreviate). Nine Presidents of the US, eight Prime Ministers. In November 1973 Mark Phillips and Princess Anne got married. Gone. (Extraordinarily, my memory of that very day was catching a part of my body in my flies and having to be rushed off to the doctors). Petrol cost 35p. Gone. The three day week started. Hopefully gone. Interest rates were at 13%. Again, hopefully gone. I had a crush on Tessa Price from down the road. Partially gone. And at number one was Gary Glitter. Absolutely gone.

There have been a staggering 295 episodes of LOTSW, every word of which has been written by the extraordinary Roy Clarke. You would have thought that would keep him busy - take a break, have a cuppa and a Hobnob - but in his downtime, Roy wrote more comedies, such as Keeping Up Appearances and Open All Hours. All of his shows focus on a wonderful and sharply observed, yet loving, dissection of British culture. That's why they are loved shows in the UK, but also massively popular across the world. Indeed LOTSW producer, Alan JW Bell, still spends time in the US at LOTSW lectures and events. By the way, Alan produced and directed 250 episodes. Incredible.

I doubt any television programme has so defined the place in which it was made. That hotel in Torquay is gone. The offices in which The Office was shot have been stripped out and gone all open plan and high achieving. But go to beautiful , and not only will you see eager tourists snapping up LOTSW memorabilia, but take a tin bath and you can actually create you own Episode. It's all there - the beflowered terraces, the bridges over the twinkling Holme River. Down the pretty streets, on the breeze coming off the Pennines, you will hear the names of Foggy, Nora Batty, Compo and Clegg.

So tomorrow will be very sad. We will raise a glass to the cast members sadly not with us - legends like Thora Hird, Bill Owen, Kathy Staff and many more. We will delight in the company of others. No doubt everyone there will have their own special memories of fellow cast and crew members. 37 years of cherished times for themselves, and of course the devoted audiences across the world. We will also all pray that interest rates do not go back to 13%.

God bless Last Of The Summer Wine, and a heartfelt thank you.

Mark Freeland is Head of ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Comedy.

ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Radio 2's new Comedy Season kicks off tomorrow with Hot Gossip, the comedy panel show hosted by Claudia Winkleman, and ends on Wednesday 28 July with Dave Allen: Goodnight and May Your God Go With You, in which Ed Byrne examines the life and career of the Irish comic.

Here's documentary producer Phil Collinge with a preview of the shows he has created for the season:

Well, that was fun! I've just finished several months working on five of the six documentaries that make up Radio 2's forthcoming Comedy Season.

We open with the two-part Carry On Forever. The Carry On phenomena remains a joy for me, and it was a pleasure to immerse myself in that world again for a while. There was plenty to cover too - films, stage shows, TV series and the projects that were never made - I don't know how I kept it up!

Sadly many of the team are no longer with us, but we've been able to source plenty of archive to sit alongside our new interviews with surviving team members, film historians and Carry On experts. Leslie Phillips presents, and he was a joy to work with, not only linking our Carry On story, but also giving us his memories along the way. And watch out for a couple of familiar characters who interrupt him throughout - thanks to actor and voice man David Benson.

Next up is Tommy Cooper, Just like This! presented by Sean Lock. Tommy of course was unique, and that comes across, as our contributors remember knowing and working with him. Listen out for the story of Tommy pretending to be a waiter in a Las Vegas restaurant - priceless! Bottle, Glass... Glass bottle... Oh my teeth itch...

Then there's Alexander Armstrong with Being Here - The Peter Sellers Story (on Monday July 26th). Thirty years after his death, Peter Sellers remains an enigma. Publicly a highly talented actor and comedian, his private life was often complicated. What I wanted was for this documentary to celebrate the man's talent as well as covering his often reported off screen difficulties. Eric Sykes probably puts it best when he reminds us that no one has lived a blameless life.

Finally, I worked on All Round Bob Monkhouse (catch it on Tuesday, July 27th) - presented by Barry Cryer. Like many of the people I've made documentaries about, I never met Bob, and it's interesting how you form an opinion of someone based on the reminisances of those who knew them. I always thought of Bob as a highly dedicated and professional comedian - we can see that from the work he left behind. But what was apparent from the people we spoke to, was just how much he was loved by those who knew him. It was a word that kept recurring, and I'm hoping this programme reflects not just his life and career, but how people felt about him. We don't call him a comedy superstar for nothing!

Anyway, I hope you enjoy the series, and find plenty of laughs along the way... matron!

Phil Collinge is Producer of Carry On Forever, Tommy Cooper - Just Like This!, Being Here - The Peters Sellers Story and All Round Bob Monkhouse at .

It's been a year since we last heard from musical legend Brian Pern. A few days ago we announced his return to these fair web pages - now, here's his first update from Poggle Studios! Look out for more next week.


Brian Pern writes...

Brian Pern here. Hello. Thanks for all the birthday wishes, though I am not sixty until 2012 and it isn't my birthday for eight months. Those guys at Wikipedia have got their math wrong, as the Americans would say. Incidentally, Wikipedia also claims that my last solo album only sold 25,382 copies when it did in fact sell 25,885 copies.

I have a problem with Wikipedia. Though a very useful resource, it can be manipulated by the general public who can get their facts wrong, and lazy journalists rely on it too heavily for information rather than doing extensive research. So, for fun I asked Ned, Sue's son, who runs my website, to make something up about me and post it on the Wikipedia site, just to see if any journalist fell for it.

Well, low and behold, whilst promoting my iTunes Essentials package, I had an interview with a guy from the Metro and he asked why I had the world's largest collection nappy TV commercials from all over the world, featuring footage of babies' naked bums being changed.

Firstly, I was annoyed with Ned; he could have made something else up, like, I don't know, my love of Corned Beef or my phobia of carpets. But no. This baby stuff is a tricky field and many fellow rock stars have been accused of being nappy hounds in the past, and I did not want tarnished with the same brush. I denied this of course and explained my Wikipedia experiment. It was research. The Metro guys didn't buy this and have since informed the police. The case continues.
Ìý
ALBUM UPDATE

I have spent some time with Lady Ga Ga in the studio and she is mental. She ended up wearing half of the studio equipment on her head that night when we went to the premier of The Expendables together (great movie btw). She must have a strong neck to wear the entire mixing desk on her noggin.

Lady Ga Ga is very difficult to work with but a great artiste. She reminds me of dear Kate Bush dressed in disguise as a charity shop. Lady Ga Ga insists on being called Lady Ga Ga and only close friends are allowed to use her real name, which is a closely guarded secret. I don't know if this is true - I read it on Wikipedia.

An exclusive CD of my 10 best songs comes free with this week's Mail on Sunday. I am not a fan of the Mail, but they did a nice job on the CD so I forgive their right-wing attitudes and Jonathan Cainer's Horoscopes, which are always way out.

SOUNDTRACK NEWS

With sadness I had to pull out of Mel Gibson's latest film, for obvious reasons. One cannot defend his performance in Edge Of Darkness. It was nowhere near as good as the original, late, great Bob Peck.

I had been asked by Mel to write the soundtrack for Billy Bongo, his film about the 17th Century African Freedom Fighter, a film with no dialogue only grunts and groans. Mel is a great guy, very funny and charming and despite its factual inaccuracies, Bird on a Wire is one of the finest films of the century - but Edge of Darkness was the last straw for me. Also, he copped out of the kissing-the-daughter's-dildo sequence, which was so powerful in the original. If Mel won't kiss his daughter's dildo in a movie, he's not worth working with.

I also suspect that he is a bit of a racist. On three occasions he said that he wasn't a fan of reggae, though he didn't mind UB40 - that says it all.

Well, til next week - Get real quick.

Watch and read Brian Pern's previous updates and on Facebook!

Brian Pern is brought to you by ITV Studios and written by Rhys Thomas and Simon Day.

Brian Pern, the ageing rock musician created byÌýRhys Thomas and played by Simon Day (both of whom you may recognise from The Fast Show and Bellamy's People), is returning for a new series this Friday here on the ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Comedy website. Here's a little preview:


If you've never heard of Brian Pern until now, what better time to discover the World of Pern? Get acquainted with Brian's creative frustrations and fellow inhabitants of Poggle Studios.

You can watch the whole first series right now on the Comedy Blog - as well as get a deeper insight into the increasingly irascible mind of Brian, and download some of his unique songs - before watching the first episode of series two on Friday 16th July.

Danny Peak, one of Mongrels' writers, says...

For the three years I've been involved with this show it has been called We Are Mongrels. Compared to head writer Jon Brown my three years is nothing, and compared to creator Adam Miller, I'm like one of those satsumas you put on a football pitch to illustrate the scale of the solar system. We made a lot of changes over that period, but the name of the show was never one of them.

But. There were two problems with the title We Are Mongrels. The first was a concern that people might confuse it with the ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Three show We Are Klang. I'm not quite sure how, unless these people haven't got the attention span to get to the end of a three-word sentence, but there you go.

The second problem was that, well, technically none of the characters is actually a mongrel. There's only one dog and she's a pedigree Afghan Hound with the breeding papers to prove it.
So the search was on for a new, non-confusing, genealogically-accurate-but-still-ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½-Three-friendly title. There was a suggestions box in the studio for people to drop ideas into and these were discussed whenever we had a script meeting.

I, Nelson was one. Humans! Everywhere! was another. To the production team, this week's episode was always called Never Been Stroked and for about half an hour we considered making that the title of the whole series, until one of the writers, Danielle Ward, said it sounded like "a makeover show for virgins".

The Garden Gang? Sounds a bit Cbeebies. Undergrowth? A bit embarrassing illnesses. Piers Morgan's Life Stories? Already taken.

Meanwhile, everyone was informally referring to the show as Mongrels. So for several months the question on everyone's lips was: what shall we call Mongrels?

Yeah, looking back, there was possibly a clue in the question there.

Mongrels continues at 10.30pm on Tuesdays, ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Three.

What name would you have given Mongrels in a last-minute rebrand?

Mongrels has already been host to some unexpected guests stars - from Biggins to Toby Anstis - so the news that Scott Mills will soon be popping up in an episode might not seem too unfathomable. But Scott, behind the scenes on his Mongrels shoot, has a further surprise for you! Watch and learn:


That's right! We'd like to see what you can do with footage of Scott and the Mongrels gang in...

The One Minute Mills and Mongrels Challenge!

Now we'd like you to make your own minute-long Mongrels video using greenscreen footage we will provide. Send it to us and it could be considered by the Mongrels production team for inclusion on the Mongrels website!

We're providing six different greenscreen scenarios featuring Scott and the Mongrels for you to use: Dancing! Dancing again! More Dancing! Driving! Fighting! Arguing!

They don't include any audio, so you can add your own music, dialogue and sound effects.

For example... your video could be a minute-long trailer for a Mongrels episode that hasn't yet been made - or for a Mongrels movie! Or instead of a montage, perhaps you'd like to focus on a sketch using just one or two of the clips. It's really up to you.

Here's a little something we came up with so you can see what we mean:



So what now?

1. Download the footage.
2. Edit your video (see our tips for help).
3. Upload it your favourite video hosting website - such as or .
4. Send us the link so we can watch it!

If we like your video, we may embed it on this blog, or ask you to send us the video file to publish on the ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Mongrels programme page - and elsewhere! You will of course be credited for your work.

Read more to download the footage!

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The excellent Mitchell & Webb return tonight on ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Two at 9pm. Gareth Edwards, the producer of the show, gives an insight into just how unique the filming is:

As the producer of That Mitchell and Webb Look I'm often asked to write a piece of publicity material about what it is that makes the show so special.

The truth is that behind the façade of colourful moving lights and noises that make up That Mitchell and Webb Look there's a community of actors, writers, production staff and animals whose skills have taken a lifetime to master. In fact That Mitchell and Webb Look is the only television programme in Britain still made using traditional artisanal methods.

Work on the present series began in the seventeenth century. Spratt's History of The Royal Society refers to a "Comical Skit presented by Messrs Mitchell and Webb Concerning a Magnetic Horse", but sadly this item was destroyed in the great Television Centre Fire of 1791 and does not feature in the show. However, as a result of the sketch you may notice that throughout the series none of the cast is wearing any heavy iron jewellery.

The filming methods are unchanged since those early days. For example we still have scripts and actors, and we use traditional oak cameras each operated by a crew of ten "lenswrights". Next, rather than simply ending up on video tape like all other television the comedy is remembered manually by a specially trained "rememberist" who then rests in a cool cellar for three to four months, before the mature programme is "dis-remembered" again directly into the original wood and wrought-iron television transmitters that take it by canal to every home in the land.ÌýÌý

Over the coming weeks I'll be using this blog to reveal some of the other secrets that give That Mitchell and Webb Look its distinctive leather smell, soft fur and peaty after-taste so if you have any questions about the production process or alternatively tips on the best way to store feta cheese after you've opened the packet please let me know in the space below.

Watch the new series of That Mitchell & Webb Look 9pm Tuesdays on ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Two.

Following a recent statement by the PM, the Have I Got News For You team were moved to create a picture gag.

Read on to see it!

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We're midway through our location filming and I have never been so excited to wake up at six o'clock each morning. However, I'm so used to late evening comedy shows, my body clock has taken a battering! Some days I have to check in the mirror to see if I am still me.

The sketches are really good fun to see come to life and I am like a kid in a sweet shop playing dress-up. I have even been a lady! The supporting cast are a fine group of actor/comics and its been difficult keeping a straight face in between takes. I really have laughed and laughed - I hope the wind doesn't change suddenly. If my face got stuck like the joker, it would not help me pull.

Our production team has swelled to thirty people, all working flat-out to get the funnies in the can! 'In the can' - that's a technical term for when footage is filmed on a shoot. 'Shoot' - that's a technical term for filming. Get me! I'm turning into Stephen Spielberg! I've even got my own trailer.

They've got me on a boat, on an aeroplane (a disused Concorde no less), in a jail cell, and driving an ambulance - with the siren on! It's like all of my childhood dreams are coming true at once - except for the jail cell part.

We have an array of very convincing comic creations and I'm very tempted to take some of the hair pieces and costumes home - by mistake, of course ;-)

I can't wait for next week when we (well, they) will start building the studio set. I've asked for a golden throne to sit on, rose petals to walk on, and two or three scantily clad models to applaud whenever I say something funny! Isn't that how the Queen gets by? I also have someone to slap me down in case I make outrageous demands... ooh, maybe a couple of flamingos too.




The Stephen K Amos Show is currently in production. Here's a sneak preview behind the scenes:

The Have I Got News For You team have got another picture and a bonus gag for you.

Read on to see it!

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Tuesday night is Mongrels night on ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Three, and we're pleased to have writer Jon Brown here to tell us about the challenges of working on this unique show.

Jon Brown, writer of Mongrels, says...

We wanted Mongrels to have that real snappy, lightning-quick pace of the US shows we all love. Seinfeld, , Family Guy, Arrested Development.

Trouble is, those shows run to approx 22 minutes, while we're an entire, unbroken, sprawling ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ half-hour. And so the hardest part of the entire writing process was thus:

How to fill the tricky eight minutes?

Our fix was to plant little 'events' in each episode, recurring kinks in the format that would sustain interest, keep the show moving forward.

Like songs. Or action sequences. Or celebrity cameos.Ìý

Which brings me onto the second hardest part of the entire writing process:

Writing the celebrity cameos.Ìý

Here's the brief: you need a joke or scene revolving around a famous face, who's recognisable enough to make it worthwhile, but also conceivably 'available' or game enough to agree to appear in an adult puppet show on ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½3 they've never heard of for a minimal fee. It's all about hitting the sweet spot between Robert Pattinson at one end of the scale and Chico at the other.

Ideally the joke isn't too specific to a particular individual, or you'll be rewriting it endlessly as your producer works down the A-list, into the B-list, and through the C-list searching for the one household name who'll agree to, for instance, take psycho-sexual abuse from a foul-mouth urban fox.

Sometimes we got lucky. The Paul Ross scene in episode two simply wouldn't have worked with anyone else. And Eammon Holmes was a revelation. (I just thank the lord he didn't read the script before he turned up.)

But then there are the celebs that got away. One scene required the presence of a certain member of a world-famous Irish boyband. And amazingly enough, he was totally up for it. Until we sent him a DVD of the pilot episode and he had to regretfully decline, on account of his chronic pupaphobia.

Yeah. Fear of puppets.

In fairness, having spent a year writing exclusively for the furry little bastards, I feel his pain.

Watch Episode Three of Mongrels on Tuesday 6th July at 10.30pm on ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Three. Here's a preview!

To commemorate the publication of the Have I Got News For You have got another picture gag for you.

Read on to find out more...

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As King, it's very important for me stay in peak physical condition. This not only allows me to react with the speed and deadly efficiency of a cobra if attacked by an anti-Royalist ninja, but also guarantees that I maintain a lovely set of calf muscles - thus attracting the attention of the ladies and keeping Catherine on her toes.

(Coincidentally - it's when I'm on my toes that my own calves - or shin bums as I like to call them - are at their most pronounced. They're a bloody lady magnet, let me tell you.)

My preferred method of keeping fit is to chuck myself - limbs whirling - into some kind of sporting activity, but it is absolutely crucial that one selects the right sport.

Although my footballing skills are world renowned - I once managed 58 keepy-uppys at the same time as eating a whole swan drumstick - the last couple of weeks have proven beyond doubt that football is a rubbish game played by cash-blinded yobos and completely unworthy of a king.

It just proves what I always say - never give money to a peasant. He'll just get far too used to the idea of having food in his belly and become totally useless for important tasks like kneeling down in the mud so you can get on your horse, running around in a blindfold as a mobile archery target, or lying next to the front door to keep out draughts (and rats).

So I for one won't be watching the quarter finals. Brazil vs Holland? Nothing but a painful reminder of the time I tried going all Brazilian in MY nether lands after finding some of Catherine's waxing strips in the bathroom. (If you thought Gazza could turn on the waterworks, you should've seen me then...)

Tennis - in stark contrast to football - is a noble sport played by gentlemen and ladies of standing and substance. And I am exceptionally good at tennis.

My serve is so powerful that it has caused the loss of innumerable tennis balls. Once, down to my very last ball, I attached it to the neck of a royal servant with a long string of catgut to stop it flying off into the next county after one of my big boofs. I'm still owed millions in unpaid royalties (or Royalties) by the so-called "inventor" of Swingball.

So I'll be watching Murray and Nadal very closely today to make sure neither of them tries to copy one of my signature moves without my royal consent.

There's the Royal Rocket - an almost vertical BOOF! that's all but impossible to see against the sun. There's the Tudor Torpedo - which goes UNDER the net and bounces up to hit the other player right in the goolies. And of course, there's the Henry Humdinger - where the racket "accidentally" slips out of your hand and hits your opponent full in the face. Usually just as they were about to win an important point.

Right, I'm off to practice my backhand. And once I've finished slapping peasants, I might play a little bit of tennis...

Henry VIII was (sorry, is) king of England. The second series of his online show, Henry 8.0, has now started on the ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Comedy website - a new episode will be published next week. In the meantime, catch up on Henry's previous blog rants. You can also !