Released in Europe as Riders, this gloriously terrible actioner tries to cash in on the same extreme sports craze that spawned xXx and Extreme Ops. Tragically, the only thing that distinguishes Gérard Pirès' film is the extreme awfulness of its script, performances and execution.
"LOUSY MOVIES"
Stephen Dorff - who after FearDotCom is fast becoming the patron saint of lousy movies - is Slim, the blond-haired leader of a band of daring criminals who excel at making fast getaways from meticulously planned robberies.
Rollerblading from one heist, base jumping after the next, Slim is at the
top of his game. But the cops are closing in, so in the time-honoured tradition of movie masterminds he plans "one last score" - or rather five last scores, over five days, that will net him and his crew a whopping $20 million.
"WELL CHOREOGRAPHED"
Director Pirès made his name with French hit Taxi, and he brings the same flair for slam-bang mayhem to Steal's admittedly well-choreographed action scenes. However, he displays no ear at all for English dialogue, while his approach to actors merely seems to constitute giving them enough
rope to hang themselves.
Witness Bruce Payne's sneering turn as the corrupt cop who tries to muscle in on Slim's escapades, or Steven Berkoff's unspeakable hamming as a red-quiffed preacher who doubles as a hit man. In company like this even Natasha Henstridge (Species) looks good, despite being saddled with some of the worst lines imaginable as the police detective on Slim's trail. ("Anything that good should be experienced more than once!" she coos after they share steamy sex in the sauna.)
"This is never going to end!" Dorff mutters at one point, a throwaway remark
that sounds more like a threat. As bad as Steal gets, though, you might find yourself deriving some sneaky enjoyment from its unabashed ineptitude.
Steal (2003)
