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THE GROCER’S LAMENT

We have no eggs today, we’re very sad to say
We’re short of ham, we’ve got no jam
And the syrup’s all away.

We do our best to please, we’ve got a little cheese
And though we’re out of onions, we’ve some fine progressive bunions
But we’ve really no green peas.

Now Madam, did you st…stutter, that you’d like a p…pound of b…butter?
Well for your information, you’ve had your this week’s ration
And it does no good to mutter.

Our Nestle’s milk’s for nursing mothers, we’ve none for sale to any others
We’re sorry, but we have to say
Your nursing days are far away.

We’ve just run out of pork and beans, we can’t get any more from Heinz
Though that’s a thing we got-a-lot-a,
We don’t get much now, just a quota.

‘Tis pretty tough I must agree, but our Berlin branch is worse, you see
The R.A.F.’s been over there, their stock went right up in the air
A fact to hail with glee!

You can blame it all on Hit and Muss, they’re the lads you ought to cuss
Don’t blame the folk whose job’s to serve, if you do, you’ve got an awful nerve
‘Cos we might be a whole lot worse.

Before I stop, there’s one thing more, something I really do deplore
I know we’re short of lots of things, but we’ve plenty forms, yes, by jings
We’ve got to write them day by day, for which we get no extra pay
Not even thanks it brings.

And now you’ve heard this sad, sad tale,
Don’t you think the grocer would be better in jail?!

© Alexander Barr

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