ĆŪŃæ“«Ć½

This story was submitted to the Peopleā€™s War site by Katherine Wood of the ā€˜Action Desk ā€” Sheffieldā€™ Team on behalf of Fred Willoughby, and has been added to the site with the authorā€™s permission. The author fully understands the site's terms and conditions.

The Plot to Invade England

In Reichstag one day just a bit since,
Two fellers sat, both looking glum,
One was the great Adolph Hitler,
And the other was Old Goring his chum.

ā€œNow Adolphā€, Old Goring was saying,
ā€œItā€™s about time tha made a move,
Tha promised us thaā€™d invade England,
Our power to finally proveā€.

ā€œIā€™ve cleared way wi mi Luftwaffe,
Weā€™ve brought R.A.F. down to ground,
And for each one plane weā€™ve lost seven,
Or do I mean tother way roundā€.

ā€œWell on watter thereā€™s nowt to stop thee,
Tha gaffer on sea knows that,
So what in the world are tha waiting for,
Invade em I want a new hatā€.

Poor old Adolph, he looked mournful,
His moustache it drooped on his lip,
His sleek lock of hair was bedraggled,
You could tell the poor chap had the pip.

He pondered just for a few moments,
Then opening his mouth with a sigh he said,
ā€œItā€™s alright thee talking,
But invasion I donā€™t think Iā€™ll tryā€.

ā€œWell thaā€™s done it beforeā€, protested Goring,
ā€œItā€™s as easy as easy can be,
Thaā€™s done it on all other countries,
I canā€™t think whatā€™s come over theeā€.

ā€œThaā€™s only to take same procedure,
Drop parachute troops in back yardsā€,
ā€œAh and thatā€™s where tha wrongā€, said Adolph,
ā€œTha forgetting one thing, ĆŪŃæ“«Ć½ Guardsā€.

At first Old Goring looked puzzled,
Then taking his coat by the hem,
He burst out laughing loudly and said,
ā€œDonā€™t tell me tha frightened of themā€.

ā€œTheyā€™re only a Fred Karno Army,
They only join up if they please,
Theyā€™re knock need, bowlegged and bandy,
And whiskers right down to their kneesā€.

ā€œThereā€™s tall ā€˜uns and shortens, fattuns and thinnuns,
And chaps without hair,
Someā€™s got gout thatā€™s besides floating kidneys,
And someā€™s got no breath to spareā€.

ā€œAh but its alright thee laughingā€, said Adolph,
ā€œBut theyā€™ve got rifles and machine guns as well,
And between me, thee and the lamp post,
Theyā€™d like to blow us all to hellā€.

ā€œAnd them old ā€˜uns can still use a rifle,
And in past wars theyā€™ve won many psalms,
Why the medals that some are wearing,
Fill their chest and go under their armsā€.

ā€œAnd thereā€™s just another thing to consider,
And thatā€™s the reason for most of mi fears,
Thereā€™s nearly two million of em,
And every ruddy one volunteersā€.

ā€œAnd if some are a bit weezy,
And otherā€™s walk with a stick,
The more ā€˜John Bullā€™ appears crippled,
The harder the fool seems to kickā€.

Pr-BR

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