THE DAY THE QUEEN MET GERRY ANDERSON
By John McMenamin
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There’s great excitement in the palace
The Queen, with feather duster flits about
Phill says she, go underneath the stairs
And get the hoover out.
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Oh, please don’t fuss dear, said the Duke
With his face all bright and red
As he hoovered up the royal fluff
From under the Royal bed.
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You know who’s coming, said the queen
Rubbing Braso on her crown
Gerry Anderson - The glittering celebrity
From London-stroke-Derry town.
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What shall I call him, said the queen
If he should talk to me
Just call him Sir, the old Duke said
Oh, - and go down on one knee
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I’m so excited, said the queen
Now, did you hoover all the fluff?
Just think, Gerry Anderson, in our house
You know, he knows Jordie Tuft.
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I like old Jordie, said the Duke
He’s a simple country man
I’d like to have a drink with him
And shake his calloused hand.
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We like him too, the monarch said
Making use of the Royal WE
But Michael, in his little van
Ah, he’s the one for me.
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I like his merry laugh, said Liz
And the way that he says, Hi
And the stories that he tells, said she
Make me laugh until I cry.
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He’s always full of fun, says Liz
He reminds me of someone
Edward? Said the Duke. Edward who? Says Liz
Edward. - You know - our son.
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Oh, THAT Edward, the queen replied
As she wiped away a tear
I must sit on my throne, says Liz
I feel a little queer.
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I like old Jordie, said the Duke
Pulling on a sailor suit
I like him when he’s had a drink
He reminds me of a newt.
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He cured my corgi, said the Queen
When he was randy and so lewd
I put the courting out of him
With a splash of Jeyes Fluid.
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Phillip, said her Majesty
Run down to the pub
Get a take-out-on the slate, says she
To help wash down the grub.
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I’ve brushed the old red carpet
And it’s looking spick and span
And it’s ready for the Italian shoes
Of my favourite Irishman.
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I hope he come alone, says Liz
And doesn’t bring wee Sean
"Cause I just know he’ll holler out"
"There’s a man for you - on wan".
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He’ll eat peas from his knife, says she
And make us look like fools
Don’t turn your back on him, says Phil
Or he’ll grab your old crown jewels.
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