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1. Love is something you have to practice

It comes as no surprise that Louis’s answer to the question, ‘What is love?’ is full of humour and wisdom. “It’s an almost supernatural feeling of connection,” he says. “But already in saying that I’m thinking, ‘Is it, Louis?’… Love should be defined as a practice as much as an emotion. As much as we elevate it and ascribe to it a divine power, maybe that removes it from the ordinary? As someone who’s been with my wife, Nancy, for more than 20 years, you’ve got to survive when the ecstasy isn’t present at every moment. So love’s also a practice. It’s a discipline. You should think of it as a daily commitment you make to someone you care about.”

Louis Theroux in the How to Be in Love studio.

Love’s also a practice. It’s a discipline. You should think of it as a daily commitment you make to someone you care about.

Louis reflects on the nature of love.

2. He fell in love with his wife the first time he saw her dance

Asked when he knew he was in love with Nancy, Louis says, “The moment I fell in love with my wife was when I saw her dancing for the first time. It was on a second or third date – might have been fourth.”

She was dancing to the 00s smash What’s Luv? by Fat Joe and Ashanti. “It’s basically about a guy having sex with a woman who’s already committed to someone else, so in a way that’s not the definition [of romantic love]. But the point is that Nancy started dancing and I thought, ‘Wow, she can really move.’” Louis, however, cannot. “She makes fun of my dancing.”

3. He thinks his entire career is a love story

As a documentarian, Louis frequently talks to people about their passions. “It’s arguable that everything that I’ve covered [in my career] has been, at some level, a love story,” he says. “I’ve done a thing about swingers. I’ve done a thing about polyamory, which is consensual non-monogamy. But I’ve also done stories about cults. Cults are, in a sense, an expression of love.”

Asked what he’s learned, he says, “Everybody is looking for love… and people find love in different ways.”

4. Love is like a small aeroplane

Louis doesn’t like to take too idealistic a view on love. “I think love is harder than people maybe sometimes allow,” he says.

“I remember being at a wedding once and the vicar was… comparing love to piloting an aircraft. He said, ‘There’s two kinds of aircraft. There’s the huge ones where everything’s on autopilot. You push a button and it takes off and flies. Then there are the small ones with a cockpit and a gear stick and you’re constantly having to look out, adjust a little bit, manoeuvre it. Love is that kind of aircraft. You can’t ever just put it on autopilot. You have to adjust and figure it out and patch it up halfway through and keep going.’”

5. He has questions about monogamy

When Rylan discusses polyamory, Louis says, “I’ve never been [polyamorous] and I have no plans to,” and the idea of his wife with someone else would “make my head explode”, but he’s also intrigued by the concept of long-term monogamy as a modern relationship ideal.

Rylan in the How to Be in Love studio.

“Marriage has been around for thousands of years,” he says. “2,000, 3,000 years ago, people lived to be about 45, 50. Now we live to be 90, 100, 110. You could be married for 90-years. Can you imagine being with one partner for 90-years? Would that be a life well lived? It sounds almost crass to define things in those terms – and maybe [it could be] something incredible – but it does feel imprisoning in an odd way. Don’t you want to get to the end of your life and feel that you tried absolutely everything on the buffet?”

6. He’s not sure he’s a sex symbol

Louis, Rylan tells him, is quite the sex symbol. Louis isn’t entirely sure how to react. “What do I do with that?” he wonders. “It’s nice to feel like it’s there if you wanted it. I mean, really, it doesn’t have any impact on my life… I try not to get distracted by what… [people think of me].”

“If someone’s really interested in me, it's almost like, ‘Oh, what’s wrong with them?’… But obviously I banish that thought. Why shouldn’t people be interested in me? I’m a talented documentary maker.”

7. Risk makes love worth having

Louis says you must always go into love with the knowledge that it may not turn out just as you’d hoped. “There’s a risk associated with love,” he says. “The risk it won’t work out. The risk that something happens to you or your loved one. But that’s part of what makes it exciting as well… You’ve got one life to live and you want to make it count… You’ve got to throw yourself at the [chance] of having something special, with all the risk that entails.”