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A few months back I had the privilege of hosting a renowned academic for a public lecture. He seemed on edge and didn’t really settle until well into the event. Over dinner we began talking about the challenges of education, the concerns young people have today because of peer pressures, financial worries and the rise in mental health issues. I remember saying to him, `it seems to me that if you can survive the school playground, you can survive most things in life.’ At this point he looked at me and said, `well, I don’t think I did survive the school playground, that’s the problem - I was taunted for being bright, for being different in so many ways and couldn’t wait to leave.’

I appreciated his candour and knew that to some extent our childhood never leaves us – we carry the good and the bad with us. I don’t remember being bullied at school but I do remember being made to feel different by a very small group of children – did it define me – no but it did make me sensitive to how easy it is to make people feel they don’t fit in – through words and through indifference. I never told my parents because it didn’t seem like a big deal, it was part of growing up and as I liked school, it was largely internalised.

This week is children’s mental health week and the message is spread a little kindness. Today things seem so different. The school playground is still the same but there are so many new ways to make people feel unhappy, lonely and even depressed. The rise in mental health issues amongst young people has no single reason but as parents and educators we should all be alert to what our children say and do to tackle both the subtle and the overt bullying that goes on in our environments. Any child of any background can be subject to being victimised and any child of any background can be the culprit.

Of course we can’t control what goes in in the minds of children and often they may require medical treatment for their problems. But we can affect their sense of well-being and resilience through making them feel loved and valued and encouraging them to be the same to their peers. The Qur’an speaks of children as a blessing in our lives but every blessing requires care and commitment. Even if we haven’t experienced it we have seen it - The desire to fit in can make you miserable, sometimes throughout your whole life, and while meanness can have short term gains, kindness is transformative. Henry James words “Three things in human life are important: the first is to be kind; the second is to be kind; and the third is to be kind’ ring true at every stage of our lives.

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