Do you sing Britney Spears in the shower? Do you read J17? Is Uptown Girls your favourite film, like, ever, ever, ever? If you have answered no to any of these questions then avoid Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen like a landmine: it'll prove a messy, painful experience. Answered yes? Well, you might squeeze some enjoyment from this teen comedy, which casts Freaky Friday's Lindsay Lohan as a new girl in New Jersey, out to make an impression in the school play, outsmart a smart-mouth snob (Megan Fox), and meet her favourite rock star (Adam Garcia).
As is so often the case with bland studio 'yoof' productions, very little is at stake. The worst thing that can happen to Lola (Lohan) is that she's made to look a little foolish. The best is that she can look, well, cool. Given this, it's pretty hard to care about anything in Confessions, except why it's wasting 90 minutes of your life.
"STUCK IN A CREATIVE NO MAN'S LAND"
The shame is that with a bit more guts it could have been, well, if not good then at least pretty watchable. Lohan is a likeable lead and Alison Pill makes a positive impression as her timid sidekick - actually managing to invest her character with some emotion. They're just stuck looking a bit silly during speeded up sequences of slapstick, while the ‘dramatic' exchanges with the school bully lack any wit or fizz. What this really wants to be is a musical - a contemporary Grease - and there's a style to the stage-set sequences that suggests if the makers had gone for it this would have worked. Instead, they're stuck in a creative no man's land: nothing ventured, nothing gained, nothing worth watching.
Confessions Of A Teenage Drama Queen (2004)
