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Over the weekend we heard the bishop of Grantham, Nicholas Chamberlain speak to the media about being gay, and his relationship with his partner of many years which he describes as faithful and loving. His sexuality wasn’t a secret, and some see it as irrelevant to his ministry, but others in the Anglican church have described this disclosure as a “serious cause for concern.” However, the Church of England isn’t the only institution to remain bitterly divided on teachings of sexuality and marriage. Human sexuality is a contentious issue in most religions. There are Muslims who are intolerant of any sexual relationship which falls outside heterosexual marriage and condemn same sex relations as a social illness or a great sin. As one academic points out, for some people, gay and Muslim remain ungrammatical – you can’t have them in the same sentence. This social rhetoric of guilt, shame and condemnation masks the reality of Muslim societies where people of all backgrounds and sexual orientations have lived and loved openly and in secrecy for centuries. In fact, historically medieval western writers criticised the relative tolerance in Islamic cultures towards same sex relations as yet another reflection of how indulgent and lascivious Muslims were. But today it’s the more liberal attitudes to sexual morality and human rights in the west, which are criticized by some Muslims as signs of western decadence, and often used by Islamist propagandists as a tool to preach moral superiority. There is a particular narrative in some Muslim communities which insists on the simplistic and dishonest binary of heterosexual is right and all else is sinful. I say dishonest not to belittle peoples own sincere understanding of scripture but because in Islam there is no single orthodoxy and neither does morality emerge in a cultural vacuum. Even though the Qur’an and the prophets words have traditionally been understood to condemn homosexuality, Muslim cultures have struggled with the gulf between official doctrine and social realities. Neither conscience nor religious teaching could suppress the diversity of human desire and relationships. Today, a small but growing number of groups are challenging cultural prejudice and discrimination because they want to tell a different story of being Muslim and gay, that these are not polar opposites where there is no reconciliation. They speak of a normative Islam where people can be true to themselves and their families rather than creating and living lives of deception. These are courageous voices who must be heard in safe and open spaces. Yes, doctrines can reassure us. But a truly pluralist and compassionate society is based on showing respect and dignity to that which unsettles us.