 Spark
up a fag on the pavement, er sorry, sidewalk and you could get
arrested. |
| Zog
Ziegler |
Twenty
five per cent of the blue stuff that oozes up and down my arteries
is American.
This
fact doesn't exactly make my heart burst with pride; it just facilitates
matters when I have the odd pop at our cousins across the Herring
Pond.
Brutally
frank
Let
me be brutally frank here - they are a large (in so many ways) and
easy target out there in God's Own Country.
They
are also a mass of contradictions.
Spark
up a fag on the pavement, ER sorry, sidewalk and you could get arrested.
(I
should make it clear that by 'spark up a fag' I mean light a cigarette,
not combust a homosexual, which could well be legal in some states
for all I know.)
When
taking a picnic in one of those great big national parks the size
of England, don't even think about washing your repast down with
a nice glass of Pouilly Fumée - drinking in out-door public
areas is strictly forbidden.
Land
of the Free, my butt! It's
mad, bad health fascism.
And
now for all the contradictions.
Filthy
fatty toxins
Well,
we've all seen what and how they eat. Filthy fatty toxins that they
now export globally; thanks a bunch.
| For
Mr. And Mrs. US Lardbucket and their rhino proportioned loin
fruit, these large apertures are an absolute essential. |
| Zog
Ziegler |
The
result of not smoking on the sidewalk, banishing wine at picnics
and eating excrement with dill pickles and, ahem, freedom fries
has turned a once proud nation into a populace of obese lardarsses,
whose every other whim is catered for including, seemingly, their
cars, which are mostly crap.
Exceptions
There
are, of course, exceptions.
Take
the subject of this featurette, the really rather fine and well-appointed
Chrysler Grand Voyager CRD.
First
off, Uncle Sam does without the Mercedes sourced diesel engine -
that apart, on the fitment front, what we get, they get, including
labour saving, electric remotely controlled sliding rear doors and
self-raising tailgate.
For
us svelte and comparatively fit Europeans, these features are a
bit of fun, a frivolous luxury even.
Loin
fruit
For
Mr. And Mrs. US Lardbucket and their rhino proportioned loin fruit,
these large apertures are an absolute essential, helping to keep
the perma-sweat in droplet form as opposed to cascades.
Chrysler folk pamper their punters in this Voyager. Well hell, you
gotta protect yer comfort zone. Getting' in an' out jes fer the
kids messes with that God given right to slothfulness.
Direct
electronic injection
The
2.5 litre four cylinder common rail diesel, with direct electronic
injection hauls this LWB Voyager along with commendable vim and
vigour.
It
readily outgrunts both the 2.4 4-pot petrol engine and the 3.3 V6,
which, unlike the other two in the pack comes with automatic (4speed)
only.
| The
driving experience is unlikely to change the profile of a chap's
boxer shorts, but that is to miss the point. |
| Zog
Ziegler |
The
smaller petrol version and the CRD have 5 speed manuals over here.
The diesel out-accelerates and out-maxes its petroleum fed cousins.
Oh
yes, another reason to be cheerful, the diesels combined cycle produces
some 33 MPG, at least a third more efficient. For once I can see
no point in considering either of the petrol options.
Boxer
shorts
The
driving experience is unlikely to change the profile of a chap's
boxer shorts, but that is to miss the point. Driver plus six can
merrily munch continental miles, cosseted, comfy and secure - a
most efficient air-conditioning system will guard against unsightly
moist patches also.
The
last Voyager fared none too well in Euro-NCAP crash tests, something
that has been addressed here, thankfully.
There
is a wide range of people carriers to choose from, yet in spite
of my tongue-in-cheek Uncle Sam rantings, the Voyager could well
be my MPV of choice, were I to put on my sensible hat - but a man
who ordered a Morgan Aero 8 probably lost his sensible hat years
agoÂ…
Privacy
glass
In
Chrysler speak, Limited means loads of kit - like leather, air,
sounds, trip computer et al.
With
XS tucked onto the boot lid sobriquet expect sat nav, DVD and, erm,
privacy glass - all but the screen and front door glass blacked
out.
Oh,
and the best news of all - that awful Blair's got rid of his, so
you can all feel more comfortable owning one, I hope.
Article
by Zog Ziegler
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