 Rather than fly back to the UK, I took
the opportunity to drive a 530i back, taking a long and convoluted
route. |
| Zog
Ziegler |
A recent
trip took me to Baden Baden with driving routes in the glorious
Black Forest.
We
were there to drive the all new Five Series BMWs - 520i, 530i and
the 3.0 litre diesel - I'm obliged to concur with others that the
oil burner is the pick of the litter.
Diesel
closet
I still
spend most of my time in the diesel closet, so such statements dribble
off my quill reluctantly.
Later
we'll get some V8s in the mix, followed by the M5, which is rumoured
to have a V10 and 500 plus bhp. Can't wait.
Rather
than fly back to the UK, I took the opportunity to drive a 530i
back, taking a long and convoluted route.
German
roots
While
at it I took a few days out to get in cahoots with my distant German
roots.
I was
also in need of some R&R. So I sat back, drove very fast and
considered matters of engineering and culture German styleÂ…
| Only
the most fervent Hun hater would argue that Germans don't nail
together some of the best cars on the planet. |
| Zog
Ziegler |
Only
the most fervent Hun hater would argue that Germans don't nail together
some of the best cars on the planet.
Over
the years they've also enriched the world of music and literature
- Beethoven and Bach, Brecht and Mann.
Since
then their culture has taken something of a dip.
Television
offerings
For
a laugh look at some of their television offerings, both satellite
and terrestrial; it'll make your teeth itch.
Drongos
of dumbing down, such as Noel Edmonds and Mr. Blobby, look highbrow,
even 20 years on, when compared to the moribund schtick served up
on the German idiots' lantern.
And
then there's the Deutche Jugend - yoof. British and American pop
music sure ain't what it used to be, but the poor Germans never
had a clue.
Head
bangers
Kids
there still groove on UK heavy metal sixties and seventies offerings,
like Deep Purple, Ten Years After and Motorhead.
Switched-on
thrusters bang their heads to a chap (or is it a band?) called Limp
Bizkitt [sic].
| A
mention in dispatches must be made for the mullet. |
| Zog
Ziegler |
Still,
all this seems half reasonable when one considers homegrown offerings,
of which there hasn't been much for the last quarter of a century.
Hairy
armpits
But
while we had the Beatles, Kinks and the Who, Germany's trannies
trembled to James Last (yes, he's German), Bony M (so are they),
Kraftwerk and that pretty little brunette with heroically hairy
armpits, who sang Neun und Neunzig Luft Ballons.
Und
zet, meine liebe poppen pickers, woz zet.
Mullet
I shan't
even touch on, ahem, German Fashion but a mention in dispatches
must be made for the mullet.
A generation
after our last footballers sported this follicle abomination, the
mullet is alive, well and caressing necks from Hamburg to Munich.
Pre-teen
lads with mullet dads are still keen on the rat-tail, another whisp
of nostalgia long since deep-sixed in blighty, merciful Heaven.
Lane
discipline
I do
like driving in Germany. Although many are relentless bullies when
overtaking on the autobahnen, Germans do, however, display lane
discipline that is exemplary.
They
also, almost to a man (und woman), stick to speed limits, especially
in built up areas, which is a good thing.
Autobahn
virgins
On
the ever-shrinking miles of de-restricted autobahn they go like
stabbed rats, which can be rather intimidating for autobahn virgins,
something I ceased to be a long time ago.
In
the excellent 5 series I was as menacing as the next man.
This
truly great car will win even more accolades than the outgoing model.
If
it doesn't I'll eat my ocelot driving gloves.
Article
by Zog Ziegler
This
article contains user-generated content (ie external contribution)
expressing a personal opinion, not the views of ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Gloucestershire.
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Resident
motoring journalist Zog Ziegler gets out his travel rug and puts on
his ocelot driving gloves once more, to test drive the BMW 5 Series...
