蜜芽传媒

(continued from part 2)

鈥淒id you lose any of your close friends?鈥�

鈥淚 was very friendly with a chap - Phil Waldon - he was a lovely looking fellow, more or less the same age as me, and he was blond, and he was in another crew, and I always remember this, because when we were sitting for briefing, he was sitting with his other crew, and we always used to look at one another when we knew where the target was, and I remember old Phil looking across at me, and going like this with his nails鈥︹�� Tony nibbled his fingertips feverishly, 鈥渁s if to say 鈥楽trewth, I don鈥檛 like the look of that one?鈥� And we went on this trip - it was quite a nasty trip, and when we got back - because as I told you we had to sign the blackboard - and of course, the pilot, his name wasn鈥檛 up there. And I said to Les, 鈥業 don鈥檛 like the look of this. It鈥檚 been a long while now and they haven鈥檛 come back. They haven鈥檛 signed in.鈥� And when we went for interrogation, I happened to say about my friend, Phil Waldon, 鈥業 don鈥檛 seem to see he鈥檚 signed up on the board yet.鈥� And they said, 鈥楴o, we鈥檝e got bad news for you. They took off and developed a couple of engine problems, and they couldn鈥檛 get the height they wanted鈥︹�� One engine you can, with one engine you can still get the height you want, but with two you can鈥檛 - and they did say to us at briefing that 鈥榯here may be fog problems when you come back, and you鈥檒l probably be diverted so listen out for your instructions鈥�. And of course, they鈥檇 gone quite a way, and they had to turn back, still got their bombs on board, and they came back to base, and were circling round, and of course, it was very foggy - they couldn鈥檛 land, and the control tower were giving them instructions of where they were going to be diverted to, but they鈥檇 have to go into the North Sea to jettison the bombs. You can鈥檛 land with a bomb load. And they were flying around, and apparently it turned over on its back, the aircraft did, and went straight down into our bomb dump. And they were blown to pieces. Blown to smithereens, it was dreadful, they reckoned there was bits of fingernails鈥� I couldn鈥檛 go down there, I just couldn鈥檛 go down to the bomb bay. And anyhow, after I got demobbed, we went round to Ringland, a little village round here, and we went into a pub on the corner, and I sat there drinking my half pint, and I looked across at the mantelpiece. And I said, 鈥楳y goodness,鈥� I said, 鈥業 know that fellow鈥檚 face.鈥� It was a photograph of an airman. And I went over; I picked the photograph up, and I said, 鈥榃ell, that鈥檚 Phil Waldon!鈥� And I looked at the barman, and I said, 鈥業 used to be stationed with this fellow - at Wickenby!鈥� And he looked at me, and he said, 鈥楧id you?鈥� He said, 鈥楬is father lives around the corner.鈥� And I said, 鈥榃ell, does he?鈥� And he said, 鈥榊es - he鈥檇 love to see you.鈥� And I said, 鈥榃ell, I鈥檒l have to go round and see him.鈥� And when I went round, he was exactly like old Phil, you could see that was his Dad, and I introduced myself to him, I said, 鈥業 was on the Squadron with your son, Phil, and he was a great friend of mine.鈥� Well, he couldn鈥檛 have got me in quick enough, and he says, 鈥榃ell, what happened to Phil, because all we鈥檝e had, notification, is 鈥楳issing, Presumed Dead鈥�? You see, because with all the worry, it鈥檚 killed his Mum. I鈥檝e lost her through all the worry of Phil.鈥� And I said, 鈥榃ell, I know exactly what happened to Phil, your son. If you would prefer to carry on thinking he鈥檚 missing, presumed dead, I won鈥檛 say anything about it. I鈥檒l just leave you, and not say anything.鈥� And he said, 鈥榃ell, it鈥檚 been on a long while now, and I would like to know what happened to my son.鈥� And then I told him what happened. He just burst into tears. Couldn鈥檛 believe it. He said, 鈥榃hy on earth didn鈥檛 they say what had happened to him?鈥� It was at base! It wasn鈥檛 as though he was abroad and he had bailed out! They had no chance at all. Just blew to smithireens.鈥�

鈥淚t was a bit of a cover up, really,鈥� I ventured.

鈥淲ell it was,鈥� Tony replied. 鈥淵ou see with only two engines鈥� I suppose he banked over too far, with all his bombs on - there鈥檚 a lot of weight there, he just turned on his back. But I thought that was very hard, really, to say that. Because though they were blown to pieces, there was no sign of anybody, I mean they knew very well what had happened. I thought that was very bad, really. I can see him sitting there now, biting his nails.鈥�

鈥淵ou were one of the lucky ones then.鈥�

鈥淚 was, but I was nearly a gonner over Nuremburg. What happened was when we were briefed, they told us that there would be no ground markings at all, that it would be ten-tenths cloud over the target, and that we鈥檇 have to bomb on Wanganuie flares, they called them - flares that are suspended on a parachute above the cloud, different colours. We鈥檇 have to bomb just one of those, whatever colour you were briefed at, you see. And so we were expecting there to be ten-tenths cloud over the target, and when we were approaching the target, it was nothing like it, there was moonlight - it was as clear as daylight! The fighters were up; the flak was up; we were combed in searchlights for about 20 minutes or so, and once you鈥檙e combed in searchlights they pump the flak up at you really hard, because they know exactly where you are. It was terrifying. You can see the aircraft coming down all over the place, and it unnerves you when you see that happening; and all the flak was coming up, and the problem was that the flak was getting very, very close. And it was so close that you could actually hear it exploding. And when I got back, the armourer came to the dispersal, and helped me out of my turret, and he says to me, 鈥楳y goodness! Whatever鈥檚 happened to your rear door?鈥� I said, 鈥業 don鈥檛 know,鈥� because you see, you can鈥檛 look round, you can鈥檛 move when you鈥檙e sitting in the turret there. Anyway, he says, 鈥榃hatever鈥檚 happened to your rear turret door?鈥� And I said, 鈥榃ell, to be honest, I did feel a bit of a draught when I rotated.鈥橝nd he said, 鈥楪et outside, rotate your turret.鈥� And there was a hole about like that in my rear door!鈥� Tony cupped his hands in a circle, describing a hole of about 6 inches in diameter. 鈥淎nd I said, 鈥榃hatever鈥檚 that?鈥� And he said, 鈥榃ere you near flak?鈥� I said, 鈥榊es, it was so close to me that I could hear it - it was actually vibrating the aircraft - didn鈥檛 hit me.鈥� So he said, 鈥榃ell, there鈥檚 something weird here. We鈥檒l search the fuselage, because I think it鈥檚 at the back, it鈥檚 come through your clear vision panel, missed your head, and has gone out the door. If it鈥檚 in the fuselage we shall find it.鈥� And I said, 鈥極h, I鈥檇 love to find it because I shall have it as a souvenir.鈥� Well, we hunted and hunted and hunted, couldn鈥檛 find it. We went out next day and hunted in the daylight, but couldn鈥檛 see it. And he said, 鈥榃ell, I don鈥檛 think, Tony, you鈥檒l ever find it because I can guarantee you what has happened, it came through your turret when you were rotating, and went out into the sky.鈥� In any case, we managed to get back all right. It was a terrible trip though, and the PFF had to eventually do ground markings. They were doing Langanuie flares, but they found they weren鈥檛 any good when it was clear like that. And so as soon as we got back, they said, 鈥榊ou know, we鈥檝e lost a lot of aircraft.鈥� And of course we heard later on when we got back to the Mess we鈥檇 lost 98 aircraft. There were seven in a crew, and I wouldn鈥檛 say they were all killed: some of them might have bailed out, been taken prisoner of war, I don鈥檛 know really what happened to all the crews, but one of my best mates was in that: Bill Cox, and he lived in London, he was a bus driver - London Transport - he was one of my best mates actually. He was in one of those aircraft and he was a rear gunner. What happened to him, I don鈥檛 know from that day to this: whether he was prisoner of war, whether he was killed or what. It鈥檚 a shame, but that鈥檚 how it is. You don鈥檛 know really what happens, when you eventually leave squadron and that, you don鈥檛 know.鈥� I was later able to find out from the internet that Bill Cox had indeed perished that night over Germany.

鈥淒id you ever do day raids?鈥� asked Giles.

鈥淲e did just one day trip,鈥� recalled Tony. 鈥淲ell, I say one, it was two actually: Calais and Le Havre. What it was, you see, Jerry was hanging out there and we gave him up to 3 o鈥� clock in the afternoon to surrender. If they didn鈥檛, we were going to bomb them out. And so we went over, because they didn鈥檛 surrender, and of course we had to bomb so low because we only had the thousand pounds; we didn鈥檛 have the cookie on; we didn鈥檛 have the twelve thousand pounder on; and we had to bomb so low that you could see the old Jerries running about, I was going at them with my guns and they were trying to fire rifles up at us and eventually they did surrender, and that was one. And then we did Le Havre as well. But no, the others were at night time. There was no opposition really on the day trips. There were no FE-109s or anything like that coming after us, like when you鈥檙e doing night trips. I mean if it was fairly bright moonlight, then you got fighters, you got searchlights, you got everything coming up - flak, everything.鈥�

Reminiscing about the time he spent living on a knife edge between life and death, Tony relived the moment with a justifiable sense of pride. Just two years later, following a television documentary that made much of the human suffering inflicted on the German people by Bomber Command鈥檚 policy of dropping incendiary bombs on heavily populated areas, Tony鈥檚 pride had turned to shame. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 know what to think, Clare,鈥� Tony sighed. 鈥淲e were just doing our job - what we were told to do. We went over there, dropped our bombs on the target and cleared off. They weren鈥檛 all towns you know. Most of them were military targets. I feel ashamed now.鈥�

鈥淵ou mustn鈥檛 think like that,鈥� I said. 鈥淲hat really counts is that you were willing to give your life for the war effort. You weren鈥檛 responsible for the moral issues. The point is that without our air power, we would never have won the war. You had to destroy the transport networks and the infrastructure so that our troops could land safely. If cities were bombed and people killed, you can鈥檛 be held to account for that, because you were not the ones making the decisions. It may have been justifiable, or it may not have been, but that鈥檚 nothing to do with you. The bottom line is that for the values you believed in, you were prepared to sacrifice your life, and that鈥檚 the only thing that matters.鈥�

War rewrites the moral code, and at a distance of 60 years, it is easy to criticise military tactics, and to forget the cost, and that is why I wanted to hear the story of one who was there. Many of those who thought they would have something to tell the grandchildren never even had children to tell, their futures snuffed out in a barrage of flak, a well aimed bullet or an engine failure over hostile territory. For those who did make it back to tell the tale, they have earned our respect, just as they earned freedom for this generation.

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