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I was
put into care at 13. The reason being that I was considered to be
a threat to my family because I kept starting fires in the house.
I
was also self-harming, but a difficult set of circumstances within
my family had affected me deeply and my attempts at damaging my
home and myself were really a cry for help. I was taking my frustrations
out on myself, my surroundings and my belongings.
My mother had always used putting me in care as a threat so
I thought it was something to be frightened of. |
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Clair
Lewis
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Eventually
I revealed to a Social Worker what had actually happened to me within
my family and I was immediately taken to a place of safety. I went
to an emergency placement for the night but strangely I just wanted
to go home.
Eventually
I was placed in foster care in Boxmoor. I felt quite nervous. My
mother had always used putting me in care as a threat so I thought
it was something to be frightened of, but at the same time I felt
relieved.
My
first foster home was a bit like a children's home because my foster
parents had two children of their own as well as three foster children
and everyone was fighting for attention.
But
after two years, at the age of 15, I was placed with Wendy and Jim,
where I was the only foster child. They had two children of their
own but they had both left home, although they were still around
quite a lot.
At
first I felt a little bit lonely. I had come from a very noisy place
to a quiet place and I spent a lot of time in my room listening
to music.
I got
on with them well but I was very shy and was suffering from constant
nightmares and flashbacks. I was also going through therapy so it
was a difficult time. I was in therapy for five and a half years.
It was very intense but it worked.
But
at Wendy and Jim's I felt like part of a normal family for the first
time ever. They helped me by listening when I had troubles and always
being there for me. We did lots of normal stuff together like shopping
and Wendy took me to college interviews. This helped because I was
really shy and sometimes found social situations difficult.
But
through all this time I never once wanted to go home. My two sisters,
one older and one younger, still lived with my mother and I felt
that I wanted them to go into care as well.
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At Wendy and Jim's I felt like part of a normal family for the
first time ever. They helped me by listening when I had troubles
and always being there for me. |
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Clair
Lewis
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My
relationship with my family has also improved over the years. I
didn't get on with my mum when I was living with her but we have
a much better relationship now. She regretted me going into care
at first but she wanted what was best for me and knew that I needed
help. She is pleased now that it happened.
Another
thing that helped me during my time in care was having a brilliant
social worker who I am still in contact with. She was a great listener
and never made excuses, always having time to see me despite an
incredibly heavy workload.
At
school I felt I didn't quite fit in. There were lots of people there
and I often felt unable to cope, but I was then put on a special
education project for people similar to me and I began to do really
well. I got four GCSE's. I couldn't believe it. A couple of years
earlier I would never have dreamed that I could have got that far.
But
more was to come. I really wanted to do something with my love of
art and I got accepted into Art College straight from school, where
I gained a GNVQ in Art and Design and was even Student of the Year!
But
going to college wasn't always easy. I still had days when I felt
that I couldn't face going in, and that was when I first began to
get close to Wendy and Jim's son Steve. On my bad days he would
take me into college in his car and give me a pep talk.
I developed
a bit of a crush on him and wrote him a note explaining how I felt.
He wrote back and we started to do things together, like go to the
pictures, take the dogs for a walk and spend hours just talking
late into the night.
Eventually
we got together properly. That was just over five years ago and
we got married two days after last Christmas. I can say without
hesitation that my Wedding Day was the best day of my life, and
symbolised yet another chapter for me. Another new life with a new
name, and having that new name was a really big thing for me.
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I honestly think that if I hadn't been put into care I would
now be dead. |
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Clair
Lewis
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Steve
and I admit that we both gave each other confidence. It wasn't just
a one way street as Steve said that he would never have had the
impetus to go for a better job if it hadn't been for me. That makes
me feel really special. He has to be the best thing I got from being
in care!
I feel
that I have changed a hell of a lot since I was 13. In foster care
I settled down and was able to behave like a normal teenager. I
slowly became more confident and began to enjoy life.
I honestly
think that if I hadn't been put into care I would now be dead. Before
I left my mum's I used to barricade myself in my room and self-harm
and starve myself.
Before
being fostered I had been scared of it because it had been used
as a threat and I hadn't known anybody outside of my family unit.
But then suddenly I had a whole network of people to support me.
It was like one big family.
I really
believe that being in care saved me.
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