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My
husband and I first started fostering teenagers over 20 years ago,
when our own children were 14 and 11-years-old.
We
came into it by a very unusual route. Being keen caravanners, we
took our kids on a caravan rally, where we met the warden of the
local children's home who was also there with three of the children.
We were rather idealistic at the beginning, but we soon realised
that there was more to fostering than giving him a home and
family. |
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Wendy
Lewis
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One
of the boys attached himself to us for the weekend. Then, we got
home he continued to visit, and eventually his Social Worker came
round to see us and told us that he badly needed a proper family.
As
my husband
had been a foster child, and I love the company of teenagers, we
took him on. He struck us as being a very lonely, unhappy child,
with a lost look in his eyes, and we really thought we could make
some kind of difference to his life.
Unfortunately,
we were rather idealistic at the beginning, but we soon realised
that there was more to fostering than giving him a home and family.
He took quite a while to adjust.
Anyway,
through the years we have fostered about 35 teenagers, and yes,
it's been traumatic at times, and great fun at times. We couldn't
have done it without the tremendous support which our own children
have given us. They have been wonderful.
We've
had some quite funny incidents. On one occasion I hid the shoes
and coat of one boy whose Educational Welfare Worker was calling
to see. I was scared he would leg it!
He
legged it anyway, and I had a phone call from the Parish Priest
about half an hour later to say that he had found him sitting on
his wall and had taken him in to give him a cup of tea. He must
have wondered why I had let him go out without being properly dressed!
Another
incident which caused some amusement was when the three boys I had
at the time asked if they could sleep in a tent in the garden overnight
as they wanted to play "Glastonbury". They spent the evening
playing music, and we went to bed.
At
one o'clock in the morning I suddenly realised what Glastonbury
could entail, so I flew downstairs and into the garden. But the
little darlings were fast asleep, and there was no "pot"
in sight!
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One of the most dramatic moments was when I was putting some
clothes away in the wardrobe of one of the boys and found a
hand gun on the top shelf. |
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Wendy
Lewis
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One
of the most dramatic moments was when I was putting some clothes
away in the wardrobe of one of the boys and found a hand gun on
the top shelf.
I panicked.
I just thought that I'd better get rid of it as soon as possible
so, for some reason that I still can't explain, I buried it in the
garden!
I then
worried about it for hours before asking his Social Worker what
to do. She told me to tell the police immediately. When they arrived
at the house I showed them where I had buried it and ignored their
funny looks. We dug it up and it was taken away in a plastic evidence
bag. It turned out to be a replica but I wasn't to know that. I
can laugh about it now, and so can my kids who never let me forget
it!
I suppose
the highlight in the last 20 years has been meeting Prince Charles
about five years ago and chatting to him at one of our conferences.
I was so surprised that he picked us to come and chat to, and he
was so relaxing to talk with. He even gave us a very small insight
into life with his own teenagers.
If
I could go back 20 years, I think I would start as I meant to go
on more, and not be soft at the beginning of a placement. You have
to put your foot down from the start otherwise you get walked over
- like you would with any child really.
If
you start to feel sorry for them it really doesn't work, but the
two most important qualities you need are a lot of patience and
a sense of humour. I'm still working at the patience!
Some
of the kids have extraordinary talents, but have never had the chance
to develop them, so its really rewarding when you see them develop
their gifts and make use of them.
Take
Clair for instance. She came to us at 15 with no self-confidence
at all and was very shy, quiet and introverted. She was too scared
to talk to anybody and kept running out of school, not through cockiness
but fear.
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The two most important qualities you need are a lot of patience
and a sense of humour. I'm still working at the patience! |
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Wendy
Lewis
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But
slowly, with patience, understanding and lots of chats she got better.
She went to art college and became Student of the Year!
Another
thing that helped her were long talks with my son who had left home
but still popped in regularly. They found that they had a lot of
interests in common. One morning she was refusing to go to college
when he happened to stop by and he persuaded her to go in, even
driving her there himself.
Eventually
she confided to me that she had a crush on him and wrote him a note
telling him so. He wrote back saying that he was proud to have her
as a foster sister.
Then
one day he gave her a lift to her mums. They both got out of the
car, she flung her arms around him - and they never looked back.
That
was five years ago now. It hasn't been all plain sailing but they
got married about a month ago, two days after Christmas!
Read
Jim Lewis's childhood story >>
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Wendy
Lewis talks to ÃÛÑ¿´«Ã½ Three Counties Roberto Perrone
