Waiting for a lottery...
Post categories: Student blog
| 12:06 UK time, Monday, 28 March 2011
I am so unhappy that even after getting such a good opportunity to write on this
community, I failed to use it to fullest because of some teeny-weeny nuisance,as I was
on site for last 15 days for some project related work and I could hardly find any time
to write. In addition there was not good enough reception of signal to access the internet,
still somehow I maintain the tempo by replying and then by posting some blogs.
Now something I would like to mention is about marriage. As you already know that arranged marriages are very much a part of Asian culture. And India doesn't belong to an exception. Actually every now and then whenever I have discussion with my friends, one of them will surely ask me about my marriage plan, when I am getting married. And I always reply to them saying that next year for sure. And I don't know when that year will come as I have so many personal obligations and some other education plan as well. So
personally I don't want that marriage should become a hindrance to my plan. But I can't hold it for a long time as I am already 27, and in India for men 27 is perfect age to get married, maximum is 30. Otherwise you know it becomes really difficult to get the bride of your choice.
And you know, nowadays even girls have their own demand. Recently I heard from one of my friend, who is also looking for a girl, that girl expect their husband to earn comparatively more, also he should have his flat, should be well settled. So if someone is looking for a bride who is good looking as well as having a good job in her kitty, then Groom also has to be at Par, may be above the par. In simple word I can say I have to appear for one more exam, to get the beautiful wife. But you know it's really fascinating. Once you are married, you can have a very good social life.
On every good occasion, festival, her relatives will call you for a dinner or so,
and they will treat you with lot of respect, and many more interesting things, same is applicable for girl. Many a times my friend ask what do you feel about Arrange marriage against love marriage. To which I simply says that 'one who really enjoy adventure should go for arranged marriage'. It may sound little funny, but it's true. Ok, let me explain you. See, in case of love marriage you simply get to know about her well before marriage, so once you understand her very well you go for marriage. So it's you who is responsible for the consequences and you are liable for every thing and you can't blame anyone except yourself. On the other hand you won't get that much amount of time in case of arranged marriage. It's just a matter of 4-5 meetings and you arrive at the decision of marriage, I mean whether to marry or not, then engagement programs, and after a gap of 2-3 months you go for marriage. (The gap between your engagement and marriage is really memorable days as it really gives you a leverage to know her very well and since you know that you are going to marry her, it becomes really romantic days when you talk to her, sometimes you can go out with her...oh my god, it's really nice moment)
Anyways, I haven't experience those moments yet, but at the moment I can simply imagine about it. Ok, so this is the only amount of time you will get to know her. May not be sufficient enough to know her (better to say girl) well, and then after marriage you may have to face up to some surprises, which is why I prefer to call it as a adventure. Hope you all got my point. Otherwise I am neither against love marriage nor against arrange marriage. It's all a matter of choice. In either case you will become a victim of suicidal case. Oh, man I am sorry, I was just kidding. One more thing I forgot to mention about the celebration, I mean they way whole wedding ceremony is arranged. Believe me, it's really interesting, Groom will mount on horse and then along with band procession he will proceed towards the wedding place from his house, there are so many rituals. If by any means if any one of you happen to be there in India, then do inform me, I will be your guide for that ceremony.
Finally I just want to say that if you are going for love marriage then do ensure everything goes on good note because I have witness many of the cases where parents are not in agreement with the son/daughter and finally romantic love dominates parental love. I really hate that when just for the sake of girl, people go against their parent. But in case of arranged marriage if you find a good match then it's a lottery, and I am still waiting for that lottery...ïپٹ.
Comment number 1.
At 29th Mar 2011, Chandrapal wrote:Hi Pravin,
Very nice article. Really it does happen in INDIA. Guys of our age face only these question by relatives. We INDIANS, believe that marriages are made in heaven. Still some people find this god's grace before marriage.
Want to add some more in favor of arrange marriage. Arrange marriages are old custom. In older days family status ,cast, religion and culture had more important than the couple's choice. Of course the bride and groom also care about these things. So it was like icing on the cake. Also the dowry system was supported by these marriages. (that was not a good thing ) In the end it has been a great experience to attend a arrange marriage.
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Comment number 2.
At 31st Mar 2011, Daria wrote:hah... very often our beloved can play some trics, and your love marriage will become a huuuuuuge surprise! or a lottery, as you say. so don't loose your vigilance anyway ;)
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Comment number 3.
At 31st Mar 2011, Marcello wrote:Hello
I'm a bit astounded to hear about arranged marriage. Sorry.
Anyway ... I wish you every success in the future.
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Comment number 4.
At 1st Apr 2011, Sarorn wrote:Hi Pravin,
it is a very long story needed a lots of debates. I personally believe that people would prefer to choose their partners based on their own perspective, common interest, loyalty, empathy and so on so fourth. In addition, it may be based on value of each culture. sometimes arranged married can deteriorate a whole life as lovers haven't knew each other before and they even didn't understand each other. therefore, if they don't get on well after starting a new family, unsatisfactory point will appear including divorce, domestic violence and children are the most vulnerable. this is bad impact of arranged married. looking at love married, on the other hand, both sides know each other well and if they have strong commitment everything will be accomplished.
In short, when choosing 100 year friend everyone has to consider carefully and need to spend some great amount of time to get to know that person so as to avoid unpleasant results that make you feel remorseful for the rest of life.
Anyway, have a great time everyone!
Sarorn
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Comment number 5.
At 1st Apr 2011, Elisabeth wrote:Hi Pravin,
This should actually have been a most controversial post... I have been waiting for an outcry by all those in support of love marriage - which is the option of choice at least in the part of the world I come from.
In fact, there are quite a few passages in your post which made me frown in disapproval - but then again, I wasn't sure where exactly you were joking and where you were being entirely serious...
Anyway, one of the issues that might be interesting to discuss is the notion that romantic love should be forsaken if the parents do not approve of the chosen one. Being a parent myself, I expect my daughters to respect me, of course, but as regards their relationships, I am very careful not to interfere with them. They - not me - ought to be happy with their partners - that's what it boils down to, isn't it?
Finally, I should like to add that it has become difficult to plead for love marriage in a society where a high percentage of marriages ends in dissolution sooner or later.
It seems that "love", once thought of as being eternal, has become a rather short-lived phenomenon...
I wonder how Indian societies deal with relationships that simply fail. What happens if the "adventure" turns into a huge disaster? Or isn't that so much of a problem if love is not a necessary ingredient in the first place? Is divorce an option at all? I do hope suicide, which you mentioned, I think, jokingly, is not the only way out!
Anyway, Pravin, whichever your way will be, I wish you and your wife-to-be happiness and a lot of patience with each other!
Thanks for blogging, too! It has been most interesting!
See you around,
Elisabeth (Austria)
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Comment number 6.
At 4th Apr 2011, beatriz wrote:Hi, Pravin! It sounds exotic the idea of arranged marriage. I think the essential condition to share life to be happy is to be in love with the one we choose. Apart from that we need patience, comprehension,.........but bassically LOVE. The best for you. Beatriz.
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Comment number 7.
At 8th Apr 2011, aabhash wrote:Verry interesting.
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Comment number 8.
At 10th Apr 2011, Edna Garcia wrote:Hi Pravin!
I respect your idea of arranged marriage but I think love marriage is the best thing, even though I am not married I have seen that marriage is not just about love.There are many other factors that should be consider in order to select that person you want to expend the rest of your life, what about communication, interests, perspectives,comprehension, loyalty, liberty,personal development, future plans,getting along, knowing the strengths and weaknesses of the other person and learn to love them or at least deal with them etc... there are so many thing to take in to account for getting married. I think that even deciding who to get married for love results difficult. Nevertheless arranged marriage might work.
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Comment number 9.
At 15th Apr 2011, geraud wrote:Hi Pravin,
it's very interesting debate. but I want to advise you before your wedding.
I thinks and it's my own opinion, it's a suicide to be married on basis of arrangement. thinks one second if after the wedding both of you have any passion, any love, how can you live without love ? how can you spend your time, your whole life without passion? it's impossible. therefore I advise you should choose the best. "LOVE" if you are already fall in love I think you will understand me .
to all: please I'm a beginner, so don't forget to correct me. thanks
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Comment number 10.
At 28th Jun 2011, JJALENCAR wrote:Hi,
Very interesting.
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Comment number 11.
At 18th Jul 2011, yadanar wrote:Hello, that's fascinating article. I agree that to get marriage is like a lottery ! because I chose arrange marriage and still life is going well.I think, the most important is compromise and understanding ! if something is wrong correct me .thanks :)
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